Many Hats

The other morning I was praying with some youth pastors from my new ministry community and one of the youth pastors began praying for "our senior pastors."  My ears perked up because he began to pray for all sorts of things related to the "senior pastor."  The curiosity was that everything he prayed about smacked of a great deal of hierarchy which is one thing that my denomination has tried to diminish in the relationship between the head of staff and the associate pastors.  To be sure, my head of staff has more experience than I do, but I do not see myself as a lower minister than the head of staff.  We do have some sense of hierarchy, but not to the extent that I was seeing in the room that day. The head of staff does not have a higher rank than I do.

It occured to me at that moment, and for a while after the prayer meeting, that I was the odd fellow in the room of youth ministers at that moment.  Most of them are youth pastors 24/7.  They are resposnible for their corner of ministry in the church and little else.  They have one set of responsibilities and one group to whom they are responsible too.  This is not my situation at all.

Each day that I come into the office, I have to make sure that I am ready to navigate multiple worlds.  I have funerals to think about, weddings, hospital visitations, adult education, and youth ministry.  I wear a collared shirt for the adults and sandals for the teenagers.  It is a crazy existence.  Lately, I have taken to keeping an extra pair of slacks in my office, and shorts too.  I am glad that I am a full fledged minister, but I have to admit that some days I wish I was just working with youth.  Sometimes, there are just not enough hours in the day to plan youth group for Sunday evening and the sermon for Sunday morning.  It's a lot of different hats to wear.  At times I even find myself adjusting my vocabulary between groups.  With teens, its teen lingo, with adults its any lingo that demonstrates that I am not just suited to work with teens.  Are you experiencing that realm of many hats?

---Matt Overton

Comments

[Jeremy Watson]

Matt,

I hear you about the abrupt transitions between different aspects of this call. Your comment about wearing collars for the adults and sandals for the students struck me. Kind of sounds like we're forced to be chameleons, which isn't exactly against Paul's understanding of ministry.

The other day my fellow associate pastor, who's been here 15 years, was telling me about the history of youth ministry here. At one point he said about one of the former youth directors, "he was the only youth pastor or director we've had who wasn't just a grown up one of the kids." He was talking specifically about this youth director's maturity, i.e. ability to transcend the community and understand what the students needed rather than what they wanted on the surface.

That comment kind of rubbed me the wrong way. Besides being kind of harsh, it reminded me of all the times I've felt looked down upon, in some way, because of dressing more like the kids, talking in their vernacular, acting like a screwball with them. It's always bothered me when people can't discern between someone who is being incarnational, and approachable with students, and someone who is still one of the kids.

I've noticed that this doesn't happen as often this time around, after seminary. For a lot of reasons . . . being older, having this degree and title, wearing a suit and tie, now a robe, preaching more often, people don't treat me that way so much. Parents view me as more of a peer, students lump me in with their parents more than they used to. I don't think I act differently, but I do dress differently. The other day I ended up in a conversation with an older lady about why I thought it was appropriate for us to be playing keep away with a nerf football in the sanctuary, during a break at play practice.

In some ways, I think this is great. I do want to be seen as a professional and convince others that youth ministry is a real profession. I'm more convinced than I was before that students need a youth pastor who is an adult more than they need one who they think is one of them. And I love this role with parents. But I do wonder if I'm less effective in connecting with kids, less incarnational, this time around, because I don't make the same effort to meet them where they're at. For sure, I communicate differently with the youth group, and dress differently on Sunday night than Sunday morning. But I have distanced myself more and more from when I was in college, or just out of college, and enjoyed the easy trust that came with being closer in age, and mentality, to students than parents.

Whqt do you think??

[Nate]

Briefly, this has been a huge issue for me as well. A sure identity crisis....I just bought a Jeep Wrangler for crying out loud. In some ways, I just can't decide if I'm a grown-up or not.
I am in a situation a bit different than Matt or Wats....with no head of staff here people just kind have to deal with me - no more, no less. I've found it to be a great struggle, a tiring struggle to attempt to be different things to different people. I can't do it.
Especially regarding how we dress and how we talk - it strikes me that we are a new generation of pastors that should not feel an overwhelming need to please the paradigm that many of our more 'seasoned' congregants expect. Authenticity and honesty must ground all of our relationships. My hunch is that if we simply conform, over and over again, we will only - like so many pastors before us - be sucked passionless.....

[Matt]

Man, I hear you Nate. That is a really good point to chew on for a while. I have already found myself arguing with Paul's "being all things to all people" and at the same time trying not to be "conformed" to the patterns around me. I think you are correct in thinking that to be "all things" is in some ways to be nothing at all and invites us to lose our way. I have found myself asking, "Who am I?" At my ordination, the pastor that gave my charge reminded me in my ministry that a minister plays for an audience of one: Jesus Christ. It's a hard thing to keep in mind these days.
Still, I have to admit that I do need to act differently around the teenagers without being a teenager. I have been struck at how little they often know about life, the Bible, etc. Necessity often requires that I change my vocabulary and start from the ground up. I often have to alter my assumptions about what is "common" knowledge in a room of teenagers. I have to remind myself that I just came from a bizzare dimention in another galaxy called Seminary. Maybe that is me accepting a paradigm. But, just imagine what would happen if I showed up to youth group in a collared shirt and slacks. Would my ministry be destroyed...no. Would that create an unecessary barrier for some of the kids that come through the door. You bet it would. That also happens to be the same reason why I don't wear a t-shirt and sandals on Sunday morning. I may be accepting a paradigm, but I am also realizing that for the sake of the gospel certain things must be sacrificed. The question I think is where to set those boundaries so that I do not cease to be me. Thanks for the post Natron.

[Jeremy Watson]

i love you you put that, Matt. Last night at Middle School Youth Group I did wear a collared shirt and slacks. That's what I usually wear to the office, and I didn't think about the need to go home and change. And it was noticed by at least one of the students, right after I intercepted the disc intended for him, he said, "How do you move like that wearing dress clothes?"

But I do think you're right, Matt. I think that dressing a certain way could create some barriers for kids the first time they meet me. Youth are attracted to adults that look and/or act youthful. The fact that you wear trucker hats and Nate drives a Wrangler (nice!!) surely help your ministry. When I was asking kids about adults who might be good youth group mentors, their primary criteria seemed to be adults who seemed young at heart, who still knew how to have fun. They said things like, "Barb is cool because you can tell she's still a kid inside. She can hang with us and you can tell she enjoys it" Barb is in her 50s, just became a grandmother, and dresses like a 50 year old. She wouldn't strike a visiting teenager as the hippest youth group leader, at first. She's able to overcome that barrier because she loves kids and has a great sense of humor.

My way of overcoming that is that I play ultimate with kids while wearing slacks, and pitch tennis balls to them in the fellowship hall on a sunday afternoon, while wearing a tie. (I do take the robe off). There is a need to show kids that I'm an adult who will be a disciplinarian when necessary, but that doesn't mean I've lost the ability to have fun and hate to see them have fun.

I've come to the conclusion that adults have a harder time getting over our appearance than students. It's hard to be taken seriously by adults if I show up wearing shorts and a t-shirt, but students will be attracted to a 70 year old guy wearing polyester pants, if that 70 year old guy shows genuine interest in them, has fun, and doesn't come off as a killjoy.

I would go so far as saying that the age segregation of American culture has caused a deep craving in youth for relationships with someone who clearly isn't one of them.